When being the eldest and all ‘it’ signs point at you
I was reading the other day on social media a post that made me smile. I do not remember all the words, but the essence of the message was that the Government should consider some benefits for all the first born children as they had become parents very early and when they had not planned on being parents!
By Fadzai Maphosa (ZNFPC Mash East Province)
I do not know how the writer intended the Government to provide the benefits for us (yes I am the eldest!) I can relate to becoming a parent before planning to be one! I suggest a day to honour the first born children! I am not sure how this will play out in instances where one person has not been wholly honest and the supposed eldest child finds them in second place. I salute the eldest children who are reading this article. Kudos to you my friends and fellow elders of the family! The time to salute one another is now! So from one eldest child to another, just to let you know that you are appreciated!
Enough of the salutations. I may lose the other siblings in the process, especially the youngest in families who by virtue of being born last think all attention should always be theirs Being the eldest child in the family has perks and a downside too. Perks include in the context of Zimbabwe and some African countries that each time your parents are called, immediately your name is mentioned too. Mai Fadzi, na Fadzi (Fadzi’s mother), Baba Fadzi (Fadzi’s father) and in some instances aunts and uncles are differentiated by adding the child’s name. It then becomes Sekuru Baba Fadzi, specifying that the uncle being referred to is Fadzi’s father.
Another perk is that as the eldest you get to choose before the younger siblings, also when you outgrow your clothes, the younger siblings have them. It is the eldest child who becomes the first baby sitter for the younger siblings. I recall when my mother MaNcube made me sit down cross legged and then placed a wrapped baby in my arms. She did all the chores she wanted while I held the baby. The other baby sitting activity was making music using a rattle while the baby was by my side.
https://www.herald.co.zw/when-being-the-eldest-and-all-it-signs-point-at-you/
One major disadvantage of being the eldest is that one is the subject of many experiments. The first time parents do whatever they can to see what works and what does not work and in most instances they have no idea as to what to do with their baby. I believe that parents are more firm with the eldest child than the other siblings. With time I realised that as parents age they become more tolerant and patient. The youngest children can do all they want and seem to get away with it.
On one occasion, I was baby-sitting my young relatives, to be more precise my cousins because their parents had to be somewhere and their helper had an off day. It felt good that as a teenager that I could be entrusted to be in charge of three little people. What I can tell you from my baby sitting experiences is that boys are a full load. They have a lot of energy and unlike girls who can sit quietly with their dolls and play house, boys can be all over the place.
On this occasion, I had to get my little male relatives down from trees. I had to stop one little relative from trying to put a millipede down his sister’s dress. I also had to stop one relative who was determined to wear pyjamas the whole day. It was a packed day. Thankfully none of the relatives were hurt whilst under my care. At the end of the day, supper relish was prepared with both solicited and unsolicited assistance! Sadza would be cooked as soon as the adults were home.
When the adults came, there were lots of reports, some false and some almost true from my relatives. In all reports given, they were the saints! I had just finished leaving a pot of sadza to boil when I heard one of the adults call my name from the bedroom side. I met two adult relatives by the bathroom door. One began: “It is important for you to be very cautious” “Yes,” the other one agreed. “Understand that your relatives are still small so you need to be careful so that they are not exposed,” first adult added.
Even before I asked what I needed to be cautious about the other relative was adding, “Fadzi, those things are private.” I was lost. If it was today and I was texting a friend, I would have used lots of emojis with the rolling eyes! “You should know that periods are private,” first relative said. I nodded in agreement. They brought out an exhibit from behind their backs. I also looked as they brought out a folded yellow bath mat. “So if periods are private, why is this mat like this?”
I was curious to know the connection between the bath mat and the ‘it’ experience. They unfolded the bath mat. The bath mat had two bright red spots — blood! I waited for them to say something. They waited for me to say something. “Explain,” relative one said. “I don’t know,” I said “Aaaah!” relative two exclaimed. The sound of footsteps announced the arrival of my little male relatives. The adults tried to hide the mat. My little relatives had seen it. Immediately there was a report of how the older one had been hurt by a stone outside as they were coming back into the house. Attention shifted to the hurt toe. I remember slightly shrugging my shoulders and walking back to the kitchen. No apology.