Listening is always crucial before responding
I have a lot of admiration for women who are from my mother, MaNcube`s generation and the generations before that. There are many things that they did, still do that those of my generation up to the ama2000 generation can only watch, but might never be able to! I am from the time that most families had between four to seven children.
By Fadzai Maposah (ZNFPC Mash East)
Some even had more than seven children. There were a few families with one or two children and people would ask why, if that was the case. Today, we call that invasion of privacy, back then, some of the questions were out of genuine concern because bigger families seemed to be the norm. I am not about to start a debate on the right to confidentiality or the right to have control over one`s fertility. No. I am just saying that a long time ago, big families seemed to be the norm.
The reverse is true now. Families are smaller and many women besides running the home are also following their careers. Back to MaNcube`s generation, these women had many children who were closely spaced. It was such that by the time one had five children, one child would be starting school with the second child starting school the following year. It was possible that with one child in school, the mother would be home with two or three small children and maybe another baby on the way. The mother`s hands would be full with child rearing and managing the home. I am sure that the mothers faced a lot of pressure just raising the children. I always say to MaNcube that many mothers deserve awards for the work that they did and still continue to do.
During the Covid-19 lockdowns, most parents were eager for schools to open so that the children would get away from the home! Learning was something else! Here I am talking about parents and guardians with one or two children under their care, but who were keen to have them back at school so as to have some space! When it came to sharing information regarding growing up and what it means to be a woman, the `it` experience, there are moments that I wished that I had had triplets. I know that having twins is a lot of work, imagine triplets. My wish was because I would have loved to share the same information without being asked why I had not shared the information that I then shared to a younger sibling.
My excuse to my daughters always is that time changes everything. Time teaches many things. Time tells one what to include and what to exclude. As discussed in an earlier article, being the eldest is a tall order that in some instances has disadvantages. One disadvantage is that one is the subject of experiments as parents or guardians try to see what works and what does not. Some discussions become easier with time and how often they are done. Also as the children get older, they can assist resulting in some children actually needing to be recognised as “Deputy Parent”.
When Chido my youngest daughter was in Grade Six, she gave me quite a shocker. On this particular day I was not at work. I was doing my laundry by the sink outside while Chido finished getting ready for school. It was winter and I wanted to get things done quickly and spend the day snuggled up and warm with a book. As she walked up to me by the sink, I just thought that she wanted to talk to me as she waited for her ride to school. She got to me and said with both hands in her slack pockets: “Mamma it is time we got pads.” Upon hearing the word “pads” I dropped what I was washing into the sink, wiped my hands on my clothes and whisked the bewildered girl up the three steps into the kitchen.
Already my head was racing, how would she handle this? None of the other daughters had begun their `it experience` while in primary school. Was she fully empowered to handle the situation while at sports? I never got to sit down. All the while she was looking at me with her eyes wide open, still with her hands in her pockets. Since we had talked about this before, an instant mini refresher course began! So still standing, I began with reminder of how to put on the sanitary pad, how to make sure that it is SECURE (in my head I was recalling, vividly may I add the netball incident from my primary school years).
The 10-year- old allowed me to finish my mini lecture which focused on securing the sanitary pad especially when she went for sports in the afternoon and all the while I was wondering was she normal, she was too composed… maybe the hands in the slack pockets said something. Or maybe I had empowered her enough and her sisters had shared their experiences so fear was out? She allowed me to finish my “presentation” and then she asked calmly: “Mamma, sanitary pads, are those the only pads that you know?”
I was confused and even before I could think of an answer, she took her hands out of her pockets , patted her knees which only confused me more. Then she said out louder, slower and more calmly than she had asked her question: “Mamma, it is time we got hockey knee pads”. There was emphasis on the words hockey, knee. The hooter outside announced the arrival of her ride to school. With a quick wave goodbye, she walked out of the door shaking her head to begin her day without a period as I sat down on one of the kitchen chairs that seemed not to have been there when I led Chido into the kitchen.
Listening before responding is always important!